Michael and I have been together since 2006—nearly 20 years now. Facebook was on the rise. We were all trying our hand at Wii Tennis and whatever new workout trend Wii had just released. Shakira was making our hips tell the truth and the iceman had us showing off our grillz. Ok, I didn’t have a grill… but I did use the Big Red gum wrapper to make one! All of that to say, we were kids. Youthful, wrinkle free, carefree kids.
Fast forward 20 years and we aren’t those same kids anymore. We have (literal) decades of growth and change behind us. I am not the same girl I was at 16. I am not the same woman I was at 20 or even at 30. A lot has happened that has shaped us individually and as a couple. Michael has had to choose to love every version of me, just as I have had to do for him. And we’ll have to continue to do that for the next 40 years.
Proverbs 5:18: tells us, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth.” Rejoice in the wife (or husband) of your youth. Rejoicing in your spouse is a daily choice—a commitment to celebrate who they are now, not just who they were when you first met.
What does it actually mean to rejoice in your spouse, what does it look like, and how does that strengthen your covenant over time?
Covenant v. Consumer
I think a lot of people enter into marriage with this idealized dream of what marriage is supposed to look like. You marry someone in the hopes that you’ve found the person who you can have fun with and who, hopefully, brings the heat in the bedroom. And while these things aren’t bad to hope for, when you put all of your hope into what you’re able to get from the other person, you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed. We give with the expectation that we will receive in return—this is called a consumer relationship, and it’s not the biblical idea of marriage. With time, one person will drop the ball, resentment will begin, and then where does that leave you? This is often where people begin to think, “This isn’t the person I married…” or “I made the wrong choice…”. Marriage is meant to be a covenant relationship– a sacred, life long commitment not just of present love, but also future love. A promise to love in sickness, health, good, bad, ups, and downs– to love each other through seasons and change. You may not always feel in love with your spouse, but you can choose love in all seasons.
This idea of covenant becomes especially important as the years go on and change inevitably enters the picture. When you realize you aren’t married to the same person who said “I do” to all those years ago. Covenant means can acknowledge the changes time has brought us and choose love with the spouse of our youth.
Why This Matters
If you’ve been married for longer than a year, you’ve probably already seen a new version of the person you married. Small things, good or bad, but nothing too drastic in a year. But as you continue down your marriage journey, you’ll experience many more changes. I’ve gone from being a teenager to a young woman finishing college, to a full time worker, to a working mother, to a stay at home mom, and so many other things along the way. With different roles and seasons, I have changed and adapted. I’ve grown in confidence and slacked in housework. Throughout this, my husband has also changed, while also adapting to the ever changing me. And while we have not always been successful in loving each other well through certain seasons, we have continued to look forward and choose each other. To honor the growth and maturity that comes from shared history and covenantal love. Time may shift the way we see our spouse—but God calls us to continual rejoicing, not just nostalgia.
What Does Rejoicing Look Like in Real Life?
When complacency, resentment, bitterness, or busyness hits, and the last thing you want to do is rejoice in your spouse, how can you do this practically? Well, pretty much any way you can think of that leads to connection and the choice to love your spouse without expectation.
- Try offering words of affirmation—face-to-face, or through a thoughtful note or text.
- Pursuing moments of fun and intimacy– dancing in the kitchen, holding hands, sharing a 6-second kiss.
- Choosing to focus on what you love about your spouse rather than what you feel your partner lacks.
- Celebrate the milestones– big and small. I’ve heard more than one couple say, “Oh, we don’t really celebrate that anymore since we’ve been together so long.” Celebrate it. Find any milestone possible to rejoice in your spouse and celebrate wins in your life together.
Remember that rejoicing in your spouse is an act of intentional connection, not just reactive emotion. Your spouse may not always return the affection, or even notice your bids for connection. Sometimes connection takes more time than we expect.
When Rejoicing is Hard
You might not be skipping through the daisies right now, and that’s okay. Rejoicing doesn’t always feel like a celebration—it sometimes looks like quiet endurance and hopeful prayer. Things can get in the way of rejoicing in our spouse—disappointment, distance, conflict, hurt. Having been in a place like that before, I can only offer hope that it is possible. The first step is to look within and begin with prayer, praying for God to give you the desire to love your spouse well and rejoice in them. Surrender this difficulty to the Lord, whatever that looks like. Allow Him to step in and help you take small steps towards your spouse daily and for them to do the same in your direction.
God restores joy where it’s been lost. He’s not in the business of leaving dead things dead. If you place your hope in the Lord, He can move mountains. He can restore joy, hope, and love.
Romans 15:13 tells us that God is our source of hope and He will fill you completely if you put your trust in Him. The Bible says, “Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit”. Not just a general optimism, but a defiant hope that is strong and overflowing. Trust in the Lord’s ability to restore and remain in Him for hope.
Choosing Joy, Choosing Each Other
Rejoice in the spouse of your youth. Love each version of them that you’ve had the privilege of growing alongside. Don’t get stuck longing for what once was, or fixating on what might be. Instead, open your eyes to the gift of who your spouse is today—and rejoice in the grace to keep choosing them, over and over again.
Marriage is not about perfection; it’s about presence. It’s about saying, “I see you, I choose you, I delight in you,” even when life looks different than you imagined.
So pause. Reflect. What can you rejoice in today?
A shared smile? A quiet morning? The story you’re still writing together?
Rejoicing doesn’t require everything to be perfect—it just requires a willing heart.
Enjoy the adventure,
Amanda
The Making of Marriage 
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