The Making of Marriage

Life is full—work, kids, friends, hobbies, and so many other wonderful things. But some days are so busy, I’ll lay down next to Michael at night and ask, “Did we even kiss today?”

Yes, life is full. But that doesn’t mean we have to pass up moments of intimacy. Connection doesn’t need hours carved out of the day—it just needs intention. 

In just three minutes a day, you can rebuild closeness, create calm, and remind your spouse: I still choose you.

Here are a few small, quick but impactful rituals to try:

1. The 3-Minute Morning Touch Base

The alarm buzzes loudly and your day begins. After hitting the snooze once or twice, you’re up and moving, thinking of all of the tasks to complete on the day ahead. It’s so easy to get moving with your day without acknowledging your spouse, other than a quick good morning or an “Are you done in the bathroom?”

Before the day sweeps you away, pause together. Sit or stand with one another while sipping coffee and ask:

• “What’s one thing you need from me today?”
• “How can I pray for you today?”

Add in some physical touch by holding hands or hugging while you listen. You could even do this cuddling in bed as you wait for your alarm to go off again. 

2. After-Work Anchor: 3 Minutes to Reconnect

Maybe your morning starts a little differently with school drop offs for one person and a long commute for the other. Mornings just aren’t a time to touch base– that’s ok! When you reunite at the end of the day, stop for just 3 minutes. 

Want to make it even more impactful? Elevate it by ending with a 20-second hug or a 6-second kiss—it literally regulates your nervous system. These rituals of connection are quick and easy to add in, even without the other 2 minutes and 54 seconds of conversation. 

3. The 3-Minute Prayer (Silent or Spoken)

This is easy to do in bed at night. Put those cute little hand computers away and connect. Sit side-by-side or hold hands in bed, spending just 3 minutes in prayer together. Silently or aloud, the impact is still great. Maybe you can begin
You can:

• Maybe you can begin by each sharing one sentence of gratitude, even sharing one or two things you’d like your spouse to pray for. 
• Whisper a short prayer over your spouse.
• Sit in silence and invite God in– if the silence is just too much, check out an instrumental worship playlist on Spotify and let the Holy Spirit move. 

The moment is simple but the results are powerful. 

4. Speak Love: The 1-Minute Voice Note

If mornings and evenings are chaotic or shift work just doesn’t let your paths cross each day during waking hours, send each other a 1-minute voice note during the day. 

Try saying something like:

• “Here’s something I admire about you…”
• “I’m thinking about you and here’s why…”

This is a little bit of a step up from one of those quick connection texts, allowing your spouse to hear your voice during their long day. It’s quick, low-pressure, and deeply meaningful. I know that if I wasn’t able to see Michael during the day and knew we’d be missing each other in the evening, hearing him say, “I love you” would definitely give me more flutters than reading it. 

5. The Cuddle Pause

Set a 3-minute timer, lie down, and just hold each other. Now, I’m not a cuddler. I get too hot and sometimes the feeling of something touching my skin for too long just gives me the ick (I’ve definitely used the “Hug and Roll” tactic, thanks Ross Geller). It’s like I have to move every few seconds, which is not very conducive for cuddling. But I married a cuddler, so I make sacrifices (as I’m sure many other people have to haha). 

The benefits of cuddling, even for just 3 minutes, are clear. Not only does it help you to connect with your partner, but cuddling has been proven to reduce stress, improve your health, increase immunity, boost your mental health, and more! Now… imagine if you were wearing little to no clothes during this… just saying. 

No phones. No agenda.
Just warmth and breathing together—feel the tightness in your body release and allow the connection to restore your soul.

6. Surprise Notes: Leave a Little Love Behind

Leave a quick note where they’ll see it– Bathroom mirror, car dashboard, coffee machine, inside their work hat. I’m a note writer and would often include them in Michael’s lunches or his padfolio for work. 

Write something simple like,

• “You’re doing great. I love you.”
• “Can’t wait to hug you later.”
• Something spicy maybe… (Just be mindful if you’ve got little readers in the house—choose your sticky note placement wisely!)

Get crazy with your sticky note colors or find sillier places to hide them as you continue this ritual. 

Combine the emotionally intimate moments of conversation with some light physically intimate moments. Any one of these rituals can be done while touching (well, most of them). Try a hand on the knee, cuddling on the couch, or a light back rub while listening. These small, nonsexual moments of physical connection reinforce safety and affection. 

Adding rituals of connection to your day doesn’t have to be a big undertaking. These moments don’t need to be fancy, expensive, or time-consuming—but wow, do they make big deposits into the love tank. When done consistently, these tiny moments become sacred habits. They whisper, Even in the rush, you matter to me.

So here’s your invitation:
✨ What 3-minute ritual will you try this week?
Choose one, set a reminder, and show up for your marriage in a small but meaningful way. Your relationship is worth that pause.

Enjoy the adventure,

Amanda