The Making of Marriage

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Marriage is more than just a piece of paper that you signed in front of a few witnesses and filed with the county. Marriage is a sanctifying mission. Marriage is a process of change, growth, and commitment. And a marriage between two believers? Phew. A marriage built on prayer and spiritual growth is stronger, more resilient, and more deeply connected. Timothy Keller writes in his book, The Meaning of Marriage, about how marriage is a tool for sanctification. It’s not about personal growth or fulfillment or happiness, but about becoming more like Christ– selfless, serving, and loving. 

But let’s be real—it’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind and forget to prioritize faith in your relationship. Creating this routine in my own life has been such a difficult process. Sometimes I am super good about reading my Bible and making sure I have time with God regularly. But if I’m honest, when my 7am alarm goes off, signaling my desire to get up and speak to the Lord, I snooze it. And then I snooze it again… and again. Until it’s after 8am and the kids are jumping on me. 

When life gets busy, when stress creeps in, when distance forms between you and your spouse, how do you bring it back to the foundation of faith and prayer?

Easy answer: You make it a habit. Just like a strong marriage isn’t built overnight, neither is a deep spiritual connection. It takes daily choices, small but intentional steps, and trust that God is working in your relationship—even in seasons when you don’t see immediate results. But why are prayer and spiritual growth so important? Because the closeness that comes with being that emotionally intimate with another person is unmatched. Maybe it’s not the same for others, but for me, my relationship with the Lord is such a personal thing. The joy and love that wells up in me when I get the opportunity to authentically tell someone about Jesus is just more emotion than I would normally share with others… but Jesus makes it worth it. All that to say, if that’s how I feel about someone else’s relationship with the Lord, then inviting my husband to experience that same overwhelming love is just – *chef’s kiss* – amazing. Benefits unmatched. Walking through a spiritual journey with your spouse creates unity, strengthens your bond, and will help to sustain you in the harsh winters.

Why Prayer & Spiritual Growth Matter in Marriage

1. Prayer Creates Unity

One of the most powerful aspects of prayer is that it aligns our hearts—not just with God, but with each other. When you pray for and with your spouse, you’re inviting God into the center of your relationship. Not only do you get to hear what’s on their mind, but you get to hear where their heart is and really grow/develop in your own prayer life.

Even if you and your spouse are in different places spiritually, prayer can be a bridge that draws you closer together and closer to Jesus.

“For where two or three gather together as my followers,  I am there among them.” -Matthew 18:20

2. Spiritual Growth Strengthens Your Bond

Marriage is a journey, and so is your walk with God. When both spouses are growing spiritually, they are better equipped to love, serve, and support each other through every season—whether it’s a mountaintop moment or a valley of hardship. When you know your identity and who loves you, you are better equipped to love others, namely your spouse. 

And for the parents out there: working on our relationship with God actually helps with our parenting. When we are more in sync spiritually and emotionally, we are naturally better at parenting together. It’s like we can just sense when the other needs some kind of additional support, so we are more patient with our children and with each other. 

This doesn’t mean you have to be at the exact same spiritual level, because I often feel that Michael and I are on very different “levels”. But if both of you are seeking God individually and together, your marriage will naturally become stronger.

3. Prayer Sustains You Through Difficult Seasons

There will be hard moments in marriage—times of stress, grief, or feeling distant from your spouse. But the spiritual rhythms you establish now will carry you through the challenges later.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”– Galatians 6:9

As I’m writing this, I remember when I was texting my husband prayers for his day. I would finish my quiet time, having prayed for him in private, then text a smaller summarized prayer for him to read. It took a little practice, but it became a natural response to how I felt after praying. (This is a reminder to myself to get back into that habit.) 

All that to say, when the storms come, you want to have deep roots in your faith—because a marriage that prays together is a marriage that endures.

Ways to Grow Spiritually Together

Not sure where to start? Here are simple, practical ways to invite God into your marriage:

1. Pray Together (Or for Each Other!)

Let’s be honest—praying out loud together can feel awkward at first. Michael and I pray aloud with our kids each night, but praying together is just not a habit we’ve been able to nail down yet. If this isn’t a habit yet, start small:

• Say a short prayer together before bed.
• Pray together silently. Hold hands, close your eyes, and spend a few moments in prayer together.
• Pray before meals—not just for food, but for your relationship.
• If praying out loud isn’t your thing (yet), at least commit to praying for your spouse daily.

Book Recommendation: Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe by Sharon Jaynes is a great guide for wives looking to cover their husbands in prayer.

2. Read Scripture or Devotional Plans

• Pick a Bible reading plan on The Bible App and do it together.
• Set aside 5-10 minutes a day to read Scripture and talk about it.
• If daily devotionals feel overwhelming, try a weekly Bible study night together!

Not every devotional will be life-changing, nor do these things have to take an hour of your time, and that’s okay. The act of studying and reading together is what brings you closer. 

3. Worship Together

Worship isn’t just for Sundays. Here are some easy ways to incorporate worship into your marriage:

• Listen to Christian music together while cooking or driving– our family often plays Forest Frank or Josiah Queen in the kitchen. If I’m feeling a little more church-worship mood, I throw on Cory Asbury and Phil Whickman. According to my spotify Day List, I play worship music more often than other genres it seems!
• Attend church together and discuss the sermon afterward. If you don’t have a church around you that fits your style, find one online. I’ve attended the same church since I was 14 (for the most part), bringing my husband in when we were 16. When we’re not near a campus, we tune in online. Sure, it’s not the same as gathering with others but it still offers Michael and I the opportunity to connect spiritually and challenge each other. 

4. Serve Together

Jesus modeled that love is service. Serving others side by side brings a unique level of closeness and teamwork to your marriage.

• Volunteer together at church, a shelter, or a local ministry.
• Support each other’s passions—help your spouse with their God-given calling.
• Practice serving within your home—acts of service are a powerful way to show love.

You will find what works for your marriage in your season of life. When we were first married and had no children, Michael and I spent so many hours a week serving with our church’s youth group. After kids, our time and attention was so full. We’ve found other ways to serve our church and community without spending multiple nights a week at events. Not everyone wants to hang with teenagers, and that’s ok! But there are so many other ways to serve with your spouse and you can find something that best fits you but also brings glory to God. 

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”– Mark 10:45

Building a spiritually strong marriage doesn’t require drastic changes… something I feel I’m always saying. But truly, it starts with small, daily habits that create lasting transformation.

This week, choose ONE of these action steps:
✅ Pray for your spouse daily (even if they don’t know you’re doing it).
✅ Read one Bible passage together and discuss it.
✅ Write a short prayer or encouragement for your spouse and leave it where they’ll find it or send it in a text
✅ Commit to attending church together (or watching online if needed).

Marriage isn’t just about getting through life together—it’s about helping each other grow closer to God and growing closer to God together.

What’s one step you can take today? Share in the comments—we’d love to encourage you! 💛

Enjoy the adventure,

Amanda