The Making of Marriage

“It’s not our time to have nights out or fancy dates. It’s our time to be present and love on our littles.” Gross. Full offense.

I mean, yes, if you’re in your “Raising a Family Era,” then of course that is a big focus. Kids, as amazing and wonderful and life-giving as they are, are a major time suck. However, those kids definitely should not be your primary focus. I’ve seen Instagram Reels with the above sentiment. And while it is true that aspects of your relationship after kids will change, making your marriage a priority shouldn’t be one of them. Those super cute videos of parents playing with their kids, going on adventures, having cuddle time on the couch… beautiful. I love that for them (and for me, as a mom). But one day, those little angels will be out of the house, and then what? Will you have spent 20+ years putting your relationship on the back burner because it just wasn’t your time?

If you don’t have kids, I am positive you regularly think of five different excuses as to why date night just isn’t a priority at this moment in time. “You just don’t get how busy we are with work!” “We simply cannot fit date night into our budget.” “We already have XYZ to do this week… I don’t want to add another thing to the calendar.” “We are fine– we don’t need regular date nights.” Blah, blah, blah.

While I am sure all of your excuses are valid, they are also just that– excuses. To combat the five excuses for why you just simply cannot do a regular date night with your spouse, I’m going to give you five reasons that it is crucial that you make the time.

Date nights keep the connection strong.

Quality time is a top love language for both Michael and me. Spending time together, one-on-one with no distractions, fills up my love tank to the brim. It doesn’t really matter what we’re doing, as long as we’re doing it together. We can always find ways to have fun together regardless of the type of date night. We could be eating dinner together after the kids go to bed, playing a board game, taking a walk, or sitting at a fancy restaurant watching people. All of those are opportunities to check in with each other, make an emotional connection, and work on that physical connection. These moments alone really allow you to both remember why you fell in love and why you need to keep falling in love.

Date nights help to break up the routine.

The flow of daily life can become a little monotonous. In general, we know what to expect most days. The flow doesn’t change that much and we settle into a comfortable routine. The cool thing about date night is that it can look however you want it to. You do not have to do the same thing every time. Driving to a restaurant, mediocre dinner that’s too expensive, and obligatory date night sex once you’re too full of food is the general flow of most date nights. But why? Who says you can’t have sex first and then paint the town? Or switch up the flow of the night with dinner in the car and an adventure? Whether your preference is to have a home date or an out-of-the-house date, the options really are endless and can fit any budget. Break out of the routine and add a little fun to your time together. Make those memories.

Date nights strengthen your communication.

Who doesn’t like dedicated time alone with their spouse? Uninterrupted conversation? Eye contact? Count me in. Michael is a yapper, but our time to do the yapping is so limited during the day thanks to our little blessings. Having an actual conversation that doesn’t get interrupted by fighting kids, snack requests, or one of us running off to get our two-year-old out of a life-threatening situation just doesn’t happen organically. It takes very intentional planning to make that happen. While not every moment has to be steeped in deep conversation, these moments of uninterrupted conversation create space for deep emotional intimacy. We do try to avoid talking about the kids a lot, which can be difficult. But date night is time to talk about things you don’t have to talk about each day, whether those be your hopes and dreams, or whether or not your spouse would still love you if you were a worm. Make room for open dialogue and let those thoughts flow!

Date nights relieve stress!

A good date night will always let the stress of the day melt off of me. Sharing laughter and engaging in enjoyable activities releases endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals, which combat stress. To be less scientific: time together, brain happy. When’s the last time you sat on the same side of the booth as your spouse? Sat on their lap? Made out in the car? Guess what– all of those are stress relievers. The science says so. Get close, emotionally and physically, and feel the stress float off into the abyss. Let it be replaced with joy, laughter, and connection.

Date nights reaffirm your commitment to each other.

Really, it comes down to a choice to love each other well. Is it convenient to plan a date night? No, it’s not. There are always things you could be doing with that time. I know this as I continue to stare at the rotating piles of clean clothes in our bedroom. But love is a choice and effort is required. You can’t plant a seed, never water it, and then get pissed off when it doesn’t produce fruit. If that isn’t very clear, what I mean is: Your marriage is a seed. The time and effort you put into it is the water. The fruit of this is deeper connection, stronger communication, greater intimacy, the ability to be resilient in difficult times, and a lasting legacy of love and commitment.

Galatians 6:9 tells us, “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Devote time to your marriage. Put in the work. The results will be immeasurable but amazing. Start small with an at-home date night, maybe just leveling up your usual Friday night dinners by adding in some conversation cards. Switch up your routine by forgoing your usual dinner at a restaurant with something a little different. Regular date nights only benefit your marriage, so why not at least give it a try?

Need ideas? Follow us on Instagram for regular conversation starters, unique date night ideas, and encouragement to prioritize your marriage. Don’t wait for the perfect time—make time. Put a date on the calendar today and start investing in your marriage, one intentional moment at a time.

Enjoy the adventure,

Amanda