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When was the last time you thanked your spouse?
It’s so easy to fall into the routine of life where each of us takes care of our own responsibilities—going to work, doing school drop-offs, grocery shopping, meal planning, mowing the lawn, and countless other thankless tasks that keep the household running.
“I shouldn’t have to thank him for taking out the trash. He always does it.”
“Why should I thank her for making dinner? That’s her job.”
Phrases like these have been uttered during ladies’ nights or over beers with the guys since the dawn of time. And sure, maybe these statements aren’t wrong per se—you shouldn’t have to thank your spouse for contributing to your shared life. But what if you wanted to?
I like to call it “speaking life” into my marriage or spouse. Others might call it celebrating small wins. In his famous book about the 5 love languages, Gary Chapman calls it “words of affirmation.” Whatever you name it, the results are undeniable: acknowledging small, positive moments—acts of service, kind gestures, or teamwork in navigating everyday challenges—can strengthen your connection, boost positive feelings, and open the door for better communication.
Why Does Celebrating Small Wins Matter?
What’s the real benefit of celebrating ordinary moments and small wins with your spouse?
- It Builds Connection.
Acknowledging your partner’s efforts—even in small ways—deepens your bond and fosters emotional intimacy. Doing task after task without so much as a thank you can lead to burnout and resentment. Taking the time to show gratitude reminds your partner that their contributions matter and are noticed. - It Boosts Confidence and Trust.
When you celebrate small wins, you show your spouse that you’re paying attention to the seemingly insignificant sacrifices they make every day. This increases trust and strengthens your relationship over time. - It Creates Space for Bigger Wins.
Gratitude for small moments creates a foundation for celebrating larger milestones. If you’re not celebrating the little things, you might struggle to make it to the bigger ones.
How to Celebrate Small Wins Without Overthinking It
You don’t have to turn this into another overwhelming task on your to-do list. Start small and focus on consistency. Choose one thing to highlight that you’re grateful for. This might be as simple as thanking them for starting the coffee pot before you got up. It could sound like:
- “I really enjoyed dancing in the kitchen with you—thanks for taking the time.”
- A quick text like, “Thanks for cuddling a little longer this morning; I needed that!”
- “Thanks for unpacking the dishwasher; I appreciate you jumping in to help.”
Beyond daily tasks, show appreciation for their personal growth or hard work. For example: “I see how much effort you’re putting into that work project—keep it up. You’re doing an amazing job.” “I’ve noticed how much time you’re committing to training for a 5K– you’re doing great!”
Moving beyond words, a hug, kiss, or playful touch can say a lot. For example, I love when Michael places his hand on my back, looks me in the eyes, and says something like, “Thanks for taking the time to make muffins for the kids last night—I appreciate the extra effort you put into taking care of the family.” That small moment of gratitude not only makes me love him more, but it can also make me want to jump his bones (another benefit of showing appreciation!).
If your spouse connects more with acts of service or gifts, words might not resonate as much. Try small, thoughtful gestures like grabbing a favorite treat, planning a surprise date, or cooking their favorite meal. Pair these actions with a heartfelt “thank you” to make them even more meaningful.
Making Gratitude a Habit
These moments of gratitude will create a positive feedback loop in your relationship. Without much thought, opportunities to express appreciation will start to feel more natural. Over time, it will become second nature.
Here’s the key: it doesn’t have to be a big production. Start today with one small acknowledgment. Just one. Intimacy isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon. By gradually filling up your emotional intimacy tank each day, you’ll feel your connection grow deeper over time.
Imagine this: after a year of gratitude, you’ve spoken 365 compliments, thank-yous, or moments of encouragement to your spouse. Think about how much closer you could feel, how much stronger your bond could be, and how much joy you could bring into your marriage.
Start today! Take a moment right now to thank your spouse for something they’ve done today. A little thank you truly goes a long way.
Enjoy the adventure,
Amanda
The Making of Marriage 
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