The Making of Marriage

Excuse me, everyone… SEX! Now that I have your attention…

This won’t be the last time I reference pop culture—more specifically, the amazing, life-changing show The Office—to make a point. Let’s talk about intimacy.

There are two types to focus on in this blog post: emotional and physical. Emotional intimacy means truly knowing your spouse on a deep level, building a space of trust and vulnerability. It’s about asking questions, showing genuine interest, and creating a foundation of mutual respect. Physical intimacy includes sex, but it’s more than that. It’s cuddling, holding hands, playful touching, dancing, or even showering together. Both forms of intimacy are connected—when emotional intimacy is strong, physical intimacy often follows. When it’s lacking, the physical connection can fizzle too.

Now, you might be asking yourself, “How many times can she say intimacy before it gets annoying?” I’m wondering the same—but stick with me.

In Michael’s previous post, he shared how his habit of coming home and stomping around like a CEO made me feel disconnected. Why would I want to jump his bones after spending two hours feeling like I’d disappointed him? Barriers to intimacy come in many forms: miscommunication, unmet expectations, past traumas, insecurities, mismatched libidos, or just the stress of life. Identifying your barriers and working on them is key. Whether that’s forming new habits, seeking counseling, or hiring a coach, the important thing is to take steps toward change. Today I have one thing to try to throw into your daily life that will enhance both your emotional and physical connection.

Play.

It sounds simple, but it’s not always easy. Playfulness is one of my biggest struggles. Even as I write this, I know I’m no expert—just someone who works at it constantly.. 

Start small. Non-sexual gestures like touching knees while watching TV or holding hands in the car can build comfort. If you’re like me and physical contact doesn’t come naturally, make it intentional. I quite literally have to make a conscious effort to touch Michael’s arm as we drive in the car. Leave a little brain space to remind yourself: Brush their hand in passing. Put your hand on their back in line at the grocery store. Hold hands while talking. These small gestures matter.

Once you’re comfortable, level up. Michael loves putting on Dancing in the Kitchen by LANY and pulling me into a dance. Sometimes it’s just us; other times, it’s a family dance party. Either way, these moments of lighthearted fun create bonds and memories that deepen our connection. Experiment with different forms of touch, spontaneous kisses, or playful activities. Just act silly!

To the playful spouse: Be patient with your partner. It’s not that we don’t want to be fun—it just takes more effort. Shifting from get stuff done mode to time for fun isn’t always instant. Be gracious. Keep trying. Don’t give up on playfulness, even if your first attempts don’t land.

At the end of the day, intimacy—both emotional and physical—is about connection, trust, and vulnerability. It’s about showing up for each other, even when life feels chaotic. Every small effort counts. So, the next time you’re tempted to skip a hug, brush off a deep conversation, or put connection on the back burner, pause. Lean in. Whether it’s a cuddle, an honest talk, or a slow dance, these moments build the intimacy that helps your marriage thrive.

Who knows? Maybe one day, you’ll find yourselves throwing down on the kitchen floor after a dance. Until then, keep laughing, connecting, and showing up for each other. Intimacy isn’t built in big moments—it’s found in the small ones that make life extraordinary.

Enjoy the adventure,
Amanda