5 Questions for Deeper Connection

Asking questions isn’t that hard, really. Toddlers do it constantly, often without a breath in between. Family reunions have an unofficial unwritten list of questions that seem to be asked no matter what family you’re visiting.

We all ask our spouse questions throughout the day, maybe without realizing it. We ask things like, “Are we out of diapers?”, “What’s for dinner?”, and “Have you seen my phone anywhere?” On really good days we might even have time for a generic “How was your day?”, followed by quick generic answers before moving on with the next task.

But what about those deep feel questions? How often do you ask the right questions?

Personally, I sometimes struggle with thinking of those deeper level questions, partially because I’m a private person so I assume people are also like me and don’t feel like answering personal questions. My husband, however, loves the deep questions. Questions that lead to deeper intimacy are his jam and it’s a skill that I’m still learning. As I’ve been working on my question asking abilities, I’ve done a lot of research to find questions that lead to deeper conversation and connection with Michael. If you’re anything like me and the deep question asking isn’t your jam, I’ll give you 5 questions that you can use on your next date night to wow your spouse and get that emotional intimacy growing.

What is your favorite memory of us from the last year? — This is a great question that gives you both the chance to take a stroll down memory lane, hopefully seeing a memory in a new light.
Is there anything you’ve been thinking about that you haven’t told me? — even with regular check-ins with your spouse, something might have come up that you just haven’t found the right moment to talk about.
What’s one conspiracy theory that you wholeheartedly believe is true? — Questions like this can be so fun! This can add a little humor to a conversation or lead you both down a googling rabbit hole, either of which would be great. Michael and I answered this while on a hike together that led us down a path of everything from dragons to aliens to mega-corporations and beyond.
What is something you’re afraid of/worried about right now? — Don’t go into this to fix the “problem”, but rather see how you can support your spouse in their time of need.
If you could snap your fingers and instantly change one thing about your life/the world, what would it be? Why?

The key to deeper connection is in the follow up questions. It’s easy to ask a question and then just accept the answer as the response, but asking follow up questions helps you to understand your spouse more and allows you to be more understood. This could look like:

Why did you choose that answer?
How can I support you?
Tell me more about that.
Can you share why you feel that way?
How did that make you feel?

The goal here is deeper connection! Asking questions with the intent to gain clarification, explore emotions, and create personal connection is what these questions should be all about. How can you learn something new about your spouse, regardless of how long you’ve been together?

Take these questions into your date this week. Open the door for deeper connection and emotional intimacy!

Enjoy the adventure,

Amanda